


The Weight of Living

by Supertights



Category: Avengers Academy, Marvel (Comics), New Warriors
Genre: Epic Bromance, Gen, M/M, Male Friendship, Not Beta Read, POV Third Person, Possibly Pre-Slash, Present Tense, Road Trips, The Author Regrets Everything, Wordcount: 1.000-3.000, ghosts of girlfriends past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-25
Updated: 2013-08-25
Packaged: 2018-01-03 02:43:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1064805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Supertights/pseuds/Supertights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a long and winding journey away from New York to destination unknown but Robbie Baldwin and Vance Astrovik want to get out and help people where there are no heroes. This is not that story-- this is the story of how they get there and what happens in-between.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Weight of Living

Vance turns out to be a good driver even in the old clunker they've chosen to drive across country in. There hasn't been a single incident that's led Robbie Baldwin to believe he is in any but the safest hands with Vance Astrovik, and it's funny because he recalls that Angel said the same thing to him one time while Vance was in prison. She'd never felt anything but safe when she was with Vance and damn if that wasn't the most infuriating thing. _"I want a little drama, some heart-beating-fast, seat-of-my-pants moments, where I know he actually feels something about us, anything."_

He isn't excusing his friend but he doesn't think that Angel was on Vance's wavelength-- Ever.

A kid from a messed-up home who regularly went to school with hidden bruises and excuses, wasn't looking for drama, he's after lots of feeling safe and loved, and a whole lot of I'm-not-my-Dad moments. It came as no surprise to Robbie that Vance and Angel proved incompatible. Being mutants was hardly a basis for building a relationship and neither gave any on the wedding issue so kaput went their relationship, and friendship, in a blitz of increasingly more stubborn texts and emails about who was at fault for everything that went wrong. He heard it all from Nita, who felt bad for them both.

He feels a wave of sadness and the weight of guilt thinking about Namorita causes him to sigh. Vance asks him what is wrong and he shakes his head, turning the radio up loud and singing the next three songs at the top of his voice. Vance grins and sings along when he knows the words, which isn't often.

Robbie studies his scars sometimes, running trembling fingers over those on his chest, remembering how he got them. Vance tells him to be kind to himself, forgive himself even-- if he's feeling generous, but he can't. Not yet.

When it becomes to hard to look at himself, he observes Vance from the sidelines, figuring out that Vance does love badly and doesn't do passion at all, couching it in the dressings of romantic intentions to give himself breathing space while he figures out how to sabotage his own relationships. Instead, he does do awkwardness and obliviousness really well. Like forgetting to tell his girlfriend he was going on an extended road trip until he's already been on the road for a week. Robbie doesn't get why Vance ended up with Suzie after Angel, other than she is another gorgeous, smart, brave and, most of the time, patient woman. He has no idea why Vance rekindled their relationship when he clearly doesn't love her but then Robbie is also of the opinion that his friend simply caved on the issue of sex when it all got too hard.

He only recently learned that Vance doesn't even exactly enjoy it that much anyway after a night when they'd both had too much to drink and it slipped out in a rush like some guilt-laden confession.

"It's not a crime-- not to want to have sex," Vance had said morosely, he'd turned out to be a real maudlin drunk which didn't surprise Robbie much. "But I feel like a freak show anyway." He finished the thought with a moan like an animal caught in a trap, considering gnawing it's own foot off.

"Maybe she just wasn't the right one," Robbie replied, he didn't really know what he could have said to make things better at the time, he wasn't exactly an expert himself, so he just shoved his hands in his pocket and sighed. "You're no more a freak than I am, Vance," he replied finally, not exactly comforting.

"Really?" Vance raised an eyebrow. "That's all you got?" He banged his head on the bar until the bartender pointed a finger at him.

"Vance, quit that! You'll mess up your pretty face," Robbie had said, then, horrified that he'd implied his best friend was attractive, added, "Think of all the future girls you'll break up with." He groaned, "Idiot!" He was dealing with Vance, who was oblivious to everything around him or at least gave the appearance of it. Robbie sensed some of it was an act, a defence against unsolicited romantic intentions.

Neither of them raise the topic of Vance's sex life again, for which Robbie is immensely relieved because it's fairly obvious that, sober or drunk, Vance _doesn't_ emote well, and never says what he really feels to the people who need to know because it might be misunderstood, inappropriate, stupid or abnormal. He says nothing and by omission of response, his love life keeps falling apart.

It was still better than no love life at all. Robbie looks at his phone, stares at the tiny selfie of Doreen that she took with his phone before things went bad in his life. Her lips are pursed in a perfect bow as she blows him a kiss. Vance's phone rings then, and Robbie sees Suzie's name flash on the screen.

"Crap," says Vance, and pulls the truck off the road.

Robbie could've left the truck during "the break-up" but it was hot like-the-surface-of-the-Sun hot outside and the tiny air conditioner was actually putting out relief in tiny waves of less hot so Robbie is loathe to move from his seat. With a side glance at him, Vance gets out and stands on the side of the highway, listening to a woman he doesn't really love as anything more than friend, scream at him over the phone about all his failings as a human being. Literally, Robbie can hear her screaming and make out words that cause him to squirm in embarrassment, he sees Vance look up now and then, checking the sky for falling pick-up trucks presumably, and chuckles despite himself.

When Vance gets back in the car, he sits quietly for a while, not saying anything, just breathing, eyes closed, hands gripping the wheel tightly. Eventually, he buckles his seatbelt and starts the truck. "Just, don't even," he says to Robbie, as he pulls the clunker back onto the road.

Robbie gives him the last soda from the cooler. "You look sunburnt," he says, carefully moderating his tone to mimic upbeat ignorance. "We'll get some lotion in the next town."

 

"I get the wanting no emotional drama in your life, I really do, Vance. It's exhausting, I agree totally, but a little spontaneity never killed anyone's lovelife-- except yours," he says, a couple of days after Vance's relationship with Suzie imploded over the phone.

"Robbie--" Vance says in a tone that screams, _'Danger, Will Robinson.'_

"Also, you could've fought for it a bit more if you really cared about her. I've seen you fight Terrax with more passion than that."

"Terrax was going to enslave the planet," Vance growls before going silent for the rest of the day.

Vance can sulk like a pro when he's pissed off. He internalises a lot, which in Robbie's mind, is never a good thing. Something else Robbie never noticed before. He wants to prove himself wrong though, about the passion thing, because, being in solitary proximity to Vance, he feels something akin to it seething under the surface of the other man's skin.

In quiet moments, he studies Vance, when the landscape never changes or it's close to midnight and everything is dark and there's only one thing to look at. Vance knows he's being watched and will ignore it until it can't be ignored any more, says, "What?" in a surly tone. Vance never takes his eyes of the road though, even for a second.

"Nothing," Robbie answers, looking back out the passenger window at nothing.

"So stop doing it then."

Then they'll find somewhere to pull in for the night and Vance turns the truck off. Robbie listens to the ticking of the engine as it cools down, until he falls asleep. When he wakes, it's daylight and they're driving again.

Eventually they stop when they get hungry or when they see a gas station, because you find fuel for the car or human body where you can. He's had one too many chicken burritos for his liking though, one too many coffees that taste like the bottom of the pot. "Can we find a motel and go out and get a proper meal, steak or something?" he asks. "I need a shower."

Vance never takes his eyes off the road ahead. "Sure. Sleeping in an actual bed would be good."

The motel is passable but full so they unpack and assess the state of their now shared wardrobe, ignoring the quandary of the only bed in the room being a large double, they avoid looking at each other it though the cat has already staked out his territory near the pillows, leaning against one and raising a leg to begin a tongue bath.

"Typical," says Robbie. "I guess that pillow is mine by default now."

"Damn straight it is," replies Vance with a smirk. "We need to do laundry soon, I think we drove past a place on the main street."

"Laundry it is," agrees Robbie.

The Laundromat is empty when they push open the door, an old fashioned bell ringing briefly above them until the door is closed again. It takes a few minutes to discover out how it all works and after a battle to get all of their soiled clothing into the washer, they settle in to wait. Vance dozes lightly while Robbie paces because he doesn't do waiting very well. A television in the corner plays music videos but the sound is muted and it's nothing Robbie is interested in watching anyway if he can't hear what they're singing.

Part of his hyperkinetic powers is a lack of patience or that's what he tells everyone when they want to kill him for bouncing off the walls. "You think Niels will be okay back at the motel? We've been here _forever_." He stresses the forever part.

"Yes, for the five minutes we've been here, Niels will be fine," Vance says sleepily, then begins snoring softly. Robbie thinks his friend really needs to get more rest. He'll offer to drive again in the morning.

Robbie paces some more. A woman and child come in and settle into what looks like a routine they know. She glances at the two men then away again. Robbie says hi, smiles. Vance wakes up with a snort, rubbing at his eyes, yawning.

"Is there a good place to eat around here?" Robbie asks the woman.

She tells him about a place just out of town, _rowdy_ is how she describes it. Rowdy sounds just like what they need. The woman drags her child back out, leaving clothes thrashing around in the abandoned washer.

Their machine makes a ding eventually and Robbie beats Vance to it though to be fair, Vance only swung one leg off the long bench in the time it took Robbie to reach the washer and get the dryer sorted out.

"I'm hungry," he says, not from any real hunger but a profound desire to get out and explore the small town they find themselves in. "I'm gonna find some food. I'll bring you something back."

"Something vegetarian maybe," says Vance.

He finds a diner open down the street, nestled between a used book store and a drugstore and orders two burgers with everything and fries, sitting on the stool while the waitress pours him a coffee and one to go for Vance. He slips extra sugar packets into his pocket and a few more ketchup just in case. He asks what there is to do in town and she tells him there's a drive-in movie theatre and a bar and that's about all.

"The motel is full though," he says, confused.

"For the wedding," she replies, like he should've known that already. "That's why you're here right?"

Vance is folding their clothes when he gets back, neat and tidy, in two separate piles.

Robbie hands him the bag with the burger and fries in it, and puts the coffee on the bench, taking over the folding duty. "So they have a drive-in here, tiny but it's okay, I'm told," he says, taking out sugar and passing it to Vance. "I haven't been to a movie since--" He stops because he can't actually remember when he last went to a movie. Before Stamford. He swallows hard and mumbles, "I don't know when."

"Okay," agrees Vance, he is focused on pulling the meat out of his burger and wrapping it in the bag. "If you want to go, we'll go, but I need to get some sleep first."

"Oh, also, Niels' needs cat food."

They find a small market that has the only brand of cat food that Niels will eat and Vance asks if anyone needs any volunteers to help out. The clerk looks at him like he's from another planet but her supervisor gives them a phone number for the local animal shelter in the next town over. Robbie likes it when they work with animals, he genuinely believes Vance is warming to it too. They buy enough cat food for a week and walk back to the motel in comfortable silence. The town has a relaxed vibe that appeals to Vance but it's a little too relaxed for Robbie.

He counts the panels on the ceiling in the motel room later, waiting for the water to heat up again after Vance's epic-ly long shower.

Vance has turned away from him and is lying on his side, Robbie can't tell if he's asleep or not. He wonders when he started thinking about how it would feel to run his hands down his best friend's back, over the smooth skin and lean muscle. Not in New York, not at the Academy, not even this morning.

It's like the size of the bed has something to do with it. He smothers a laugh.

Perhaps somewhere on the road after he's been studying the way Vance's hair falls into his eyes sometimes when he ducks his head, or the freckles across his nose that only show when he's tired or angry or sunburnt, the colour of his eyes when the sunlight makes them more green hazel than brown hazel, it all just seduced him into falling, just a little bit, for his best friend, and now, as he counts the panels on the ceiling in a cheap motel he comes to the profound realisation of it. He has always kind of loved Vance.

He looks over but Vance continues to breathe deeply and evenly like he's already asleep.

Big clueless idiot.

Robbie turns onto his side, staring at the wall, the window, the sunlight through the curtains. The air conditioner makes them move, swaying in the artificial breeze. It's quiet above the hum that he eventually forgets to notice. Their room is near the back of the complex and he can't hear the highway much at all. He sighs noisily, wonders if the water is hot again so he can be alone for a moment, to gather his thoughts. At times like this, he misses the luxury of privacy.

"What?" asks Vance, sleepily.

"Nothing," he replies.

"Go to sleep then."

Like it's that easy. Robbie turns onto his back, wrestling the sheets and flings his arm over his eyes, then changes arms, sighs again. Vance is fresh from the shower, the smell of clean male body all around in the air. Robbie inhales slowly, breathing it in. Niels climbs over him with heavy feet, shooting a look of pure feline disgust at him for all the flailing, and jumps off the bed to lie on the floor in front of the air conditioner, licking himself with loud annoyed slurps.

"Quiet, cat," mumbles Vance, without enthusiasm. "Trying to sleep."

Vance has turned over and is facing him, eyes relaxed shut and mouth bent in a sleepy curve, with that hint of smile like he knows a secret and he's not sharing. Back at the Academy, Robbie used to wonder how his friend could have attracted the eye of, not one, but four of the students in the first week-- in crushes fit for a teenage romance novel. At the time, Robbie had been in too much pain, suffering in so many ways from the fall-out of his time as Penance that it was hard to fathom how _he_ was feeling, let alone how a bunch of obnoxious teenagers felt, about his friend. There are moments on this journey when _he_ feels like a teenager again and reminisces about crushing on the guy with the cape, the guy with the helmet, the girl in the bikini, the boss, the girl who was hot, and the shadow girl.

The guy with the cape.

Big clueless idiot.

**Author's Note:**

> Reposted after revision, I think there are still tense problems and for that I apologise.


End file.
